I’ve never thought that signing a couple of documents could make my adrenaline rush this much. “Nine thousand one hundred and thirty one dollars” in a currency that’s 1.25 times of a currency that I’m so used to amounts to nearly twelve thousand dollars; contributed to the first payment and my Overseas Student Health Cover. Although I was really excited (so much so that I was almost shoving it in his face) to hand the bank draft to my Education Counsellor, a part of me was reluctant and contemplated a little. This is what I’ve been wanting and fighting for since I was 16, I will not let it go just because I’m afraid. Done deal. It’s official. I’ll be leaving this sunny island I’ve been calling ‘home’ for 21 years in July for 2 years in Brisbane.

I have tons of things to settle I don’t even know where to start. Student visa, health check-ups, accommodation, flight. I don’t have much time and I don’t know why is it so difficult to find the right accommodation, the one that looks welcoming and homely enough for me to put up in at least for the next 4 months before I fly back for Summer break in December. I feel like I’m being forced to grow up already, with so many of these to be settled alone. That said, I can’t wait to settle down in this new environment. New culture, new faces, new friends, new everything. However, there are some things which don’t and shouldn’t change and should remain the way they are now. I cannot wait I cannot wait I cannot wait.

& maybe, I’ll be calling this new place Down Under ‘home’; only if God permits.

In my family…

… The day one officially leaves tertiary education and the other officially accepts a place in university.

“Thank you for loving me for who I am.” These were the words I whispered the other day while we were cuddling, amidst random laughter of stupid things that happened and singing to sad songs from the playlist I made you while you were upset sometime ago. I’ve always doubted that anyone could love me for who I am, because I know that I’m not the easiest person to love. To be honest, friday night and saturday morning was a blur. I remember a lot of funny incidents, but I can’t put a finger on when they happened. I guess it doesn’t matter since it was one of the best nights we’ve had, especially singing in ridiculous voices to Remembering Sunday and ending it really dramatically. Thank you for agreeing that I fit the role of a singer just to pacify me, even though we both know that that isn’t true. Thank you, also, for handling me when I eventually broke down because I was too upset and angry with whatever that happened at work that day, for calming me down and telling me that things will be fine, for simply holding me tightly close to you and wiping my unnecessary tears away. Thank you for waiting for me ever so patiently to finally get out of bed even though you were really starving and we all know what hunger does to us. Thank you for accompanying me in running my errands, for holding the ridiculously cute Penguin balloon for my niece and having judgmental stares shot at you while snaking around the malls through the Saturday crowd, for helping me search Daiso for polka dotted shower curtains, for maintaining your cool and attempting to hide your displeasure (but I could tell anyway because I know you too well) about not having enough time for us to lunch together due to my procrastination and how I shouldn’t be late because you hate it when people are late.

There are really so many things I have to thank you for, and words just aren’t enough to express how thankful I really am. Amidst all the playfights (which saw my middle fingers being waved in your face and several ‘fuck’s used and you slapping my face because it was your ‘defence mechanism’ when I was squishing your face telling you how much I wanted to punch you) and real arguments (especially the one-word replies) we’ve had, I am truly appreciative for everything.

It’s slightly past two in the morning and I’m just missing you a little too much. Yes, we just parted ways less than 7 hours ago and we’ll be seeing each other again in approximately 17 hours’ time. I’d like to believe that as your girlfriend, I am allowed to feel this way.